


lately, things haven't been the best for me

by OnlyRoomForHope



Series: dream smp fics & drabbles [3]
Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Drabble, Facing Fears, Fireworks, Fix-It of Sorts, Fluff, Gen, Happy Toby Smith | Tubbo, Happy TommyInnit (Video Blogging RPF), Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Psychological Trauma, Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit Friendship, Toby Smith | Tubbo Has PTSD, Toby Smith | Tubbo is Not Okay, TommyInnit Has PTSD (Video Blogging RPF), TommyInnit is a good friend, Trauma, Triggers, but he will be, not beta read we die like ghostbur, they both will be
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:08:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 799
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29278224
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OnlyRoomForHope/pseuds/OnlyRoomForHope
Summary: It was loud, and it was bright, and it reminded Tubbo of moments he so desperately wished to forget, but…But sitting there, with Tommy, watching the items they’d spent the day crafting produce something so beautiful was refreshing. Exhilarating. Tubbo smiled, leaning on Tommy’s shoulder.Everything was going to be okay.(or: Tubbo decides to face his fears, his best friend by his side every step of the way.)
Relationships: No Romantic Relationship(s), Toby Smith | Tubbo & TommyInnit, if you ship them your kneecaps are legally mine
Series: dream smp fics & drabbles [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2019857
Comments: 16
Kudos: 122





	lately, things haven't been the best for me

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in like, 40min with minimal firework knowledge, cut me some slack
> 
> the actual drabble is capitalised to make it easier for our dyslexic pals to read <3

Tubbo was scared- scratch that, he was terrified. His mind was shouting at him as he carefully combined ingredients on the crafting table, delicate fingers flitting about, folding and snipping and shaping. His heart was squeezing and it was getting harder to breathe, but Tubbo shrugged it off as he carefully added the ingredients. 

Gunpowder, slipping through his fingers. Green and red dye. A gold nugget.

He reached out to grab a handful of glowstone dust but hesitated. A hand closed gently around his own as his best friend, his brother in all but blood smiled hesitantly but warmly at him.

“Don’t push yourself, Big Man. Let’s keep it simple for now, yeah?”

Tubbo let out a sigh of relief, withdrawing his hand, trying to ignore the trembling. “Yeah...yeah, you’re right.”

Tommy frowned, blonde hair falling into his face as he leaned around Tubbo to see his face. The brunet did his best to school his expression. Tommy sighed.

“Tubbo, are you sure you wanna do this? We don’t like- fuckin’ have to, y’know?” He turned Tubbo to face him. “You’re traumatised and shit, and that’s okay. And it’s really brave you wanna do this, Big T, but don’t do it at the expense of your mental health.”

Tubbo’s heart was pounding and he was breathing a little too fast to be considered normal, but he felt calm. He felt warm and at peace.

“I know, Toms. I need to do this, though. I’ll be okay.” 

Tommy raised an eyebrow.

“Seriously, Tommy. I’ll tell you if it’s too much, I swear.” Tubbo hurriedly continued upon seeing Tommy’s doubtful expression. Finally the blonde conceded, stepping back and turning to his own crafting. 

“You better, bitch.”

Tubbo laughed, turning back to the unfinished product. “I will, stop stressing man.”

“I’m not stressing, dickhead! I’m being a good friend like always-”

  
  
  


It was time.

The night sky hovered above them, stars twinkling. Tommy was by his side, like he always had been. The cool air nipped at his bare arms, goosebumps rising on his flesh. He withdrew into himself, tucking his trembling hands that were definitely a result of the wind and not his fear into the pits of his arms. Suddenly his friend was in front of him, hands on his shoulders and concern clear in his eyes. Tubbo startled, blinking just a little too hard, breaths coming just a little too fast.

“Tubbo, are you really, really sure you wanna do this? You’re not a pussy if you back out, you know that, right?”

He swallowed harshly, nodding hesitantly.

“I-I know, Toms. I know I can back out, I know you wouldn’t give a shit, but… But I gotta do this, man. For myself,” he murmured emphatically, “I can’t keep living like this. I gotta show myself there’s nothing to be scared of. That I’m not  _ weak-.” _

“Weak?” Tommy interrupted, eyebrows furrowed. “You’re not weak at all, Big Man. You’re by far one of the strongest fuckin’ people I know. What other crazy idiot is gonna run a country at 17?”

“I exiled you, Tommy! I exiled my best friend!”

“That wasn’t your fault, Tubs. It was between me and L’Manberg, me and how many other people. I understand why you did it, and I forgive you. If it was anyone else’s fault, it was the green bitch.” Tubbo felt himself being pulled into a hug. “You were an amazing president and you’re an even better friend. It’s not your fault this server and the bitchboy admin is complete and utter shit.”

Tubbo choked back a sob, curling into Tommy’s arms. When had he started crying?

“Listen, Tubbo. What you’re doing right now is- it’s so fuckin’ brave. You’re trying to face your fears head-on. You don’t have to do this, not at all,” Tommy smiled, lopsided, pulling back to meet Tubbo’s eyes. “But you don’t have to be ready yet, idiot. One day you’ll know when you’re ready to face it and you will. You’ll face them head on and make them your bitch, but that day doesn’t have to be today. Don’t ever think you’re weak for having trauma, especially not after all the shit we’ve been through.”

Tubbo sat for a moment, thinking, before scooting back gently and wiping his eyes.

“Let’s do this, Tommy. I’m ready.”

“You’re sure, Big Man?”

“I’m sure. Light ‘em up.”

The green and red fireworks lit up the night sky before the pair, who sat side by side. It was loud, and it was bright, and it reminded Tubbo of moments he so desperately wished to forget, but…

But sitting there, with Tommy, watching the items they’d spent the day crafting produce something so beautiful was refreshing. Exhilarating.

Tubbo smiled, leaning on Tommy’s shoulder.

Everything was going to be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> :D
> 
> this is not proof read at all so i hope it's not impossible to read sdlghsd  
> comments make my entire week please don't feel shy to drop one, even if it's just a smiley face or a keyboard smash <33
> 
> title is from 2004 by Anthony Amorim 'cause I was listening to it on repeat while writing this! :)
> 
> god i cannot characterise tommy or tubbo well no matter how hard i try, forgive me
> 
> [edit 10/02/21]: 7 out of 8 of my comment replies have keyboard smashes in them, i am so sorry. i have no self control and it just makes me really happy to see people commenting, don't just me too harshly-


End file.
